"What are you saying to my girl?!" I turned around to see a woman in pink scrubs with little balloons all over the top holding a plastic baseball bat that she was taping not so gently on the car's floor!
"mama," I stammered. "She was throwing food on me so I told her to stop."
"Don't you talk to my girl! I am the only one who tells my girl what to do!" she screamed. "she can pee in this car if she wants and you can't say nothin' about it! There are crack heads who live here so she can toss anything she want!" (I am editing the language for my younger audience) "you don't hit my girl I hit my girl! I don't want you talking to her ever!"
I started to pull away towards the other side of the packed train as she swung her bat at the pole in the middle of the train. I jumped and moved faster. The seemingly packed people parted for me.
"why you leaving... you are acting like you are afraid of me," she bellowed after me.
I said the only thing that came to my mind, "I AM afraid of you" (plastic toy bat or not I really had no desire to find out how bad it would bruise me) The train broke out into laughter and she steamed in her seat. I stayed on the far end of the train waiting for that seemingly endless stretch between 59th and 125th to be over. The whole while she just kept looking and yelling in my direction.
She got off at the 125th stop with the warning that she had her eye on me... and I looked at the spot of vinegar on my shirt.... totally worth it.. how many times in your life do you get to make a whole train of people laugh because you are just being honest!
8 comments:
Super fantastic, kind of wish I'd been there
oh. em. gee. gaby! that is hysterical ! also, i am so glad i found your blog (through dear meg ruth's). this is her old roommie amy--and guess what! i am moving to iowa city!
"There are crack heads who live here so she can toss anything she want!"
This is my new excuse for every occasion.
ha ha ha.. really there isn't an occasion I can think of that that line won't work!
it's so true. honestly gaby, only you. only you would this happen to.
The adventures you have. I certainly got a really good laugh out of that.
i'm going to start the mfa in nonfiction writing program--i'm a little nervous for iowa after those crazy storms! tell some things you love about it??
I love NY for that very reason....
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